I don’t know what to do anymore. What once seemed like an easy routine at home is not so easy anymore now that I live in my car.

I’m sitting in my car at the park that I've been walking at for the past 30+ days. I just woke up about an hour ago, in an undisclosed location, which I felt was safe enough to sleep in. I have everything I need to survive within my truck. I got everything to stay clean, eat and cook food, charge my electronics, and store my exercise gear.

The problem I’m facing, as the morning sun rises so beautifully in the distance, is how messy and downright filthy I feel. How can the day look so distractingly beautiful while I don’t feel so myself?

My mind is very sensitive, so I try to stay calm and positive, otherwise it will detrimentally affect the rest of my day, or even worse, make my whole week a miserable hell. A bit of that misery is the lack of comfort in doing the simplest things, which before, I would not have given a second thought about.

For example, now I’m worried about where I'm going to brush my teeth.

Should I brush inside the car, spit in a cup, and dump it outside on the public ground? Should I find a nearby bush and dump it there? But what if someone sees me? Then I would be exposed and judged, or even worse, reported to local law enforcement. I don’t want to be on the radar. I’m supposed to be keeping a low profile.

In a regular home, every morning, I would get up and go straight to the bathroom, close the door for privacy, urinate with my eyes half closed, and flush it away before it became an ammonia problem. I miss the ease of this simple routine.

Then I move over to the sink, twist the faucet handle to run some clean water, and wash my hands, letting everything pour down the sink and into the plumbing system. No need to think about where the water came from, where it goes, or how much I have left in the tap. Now I have to ration my gallon and figure out how to keep everything in my car as clean as possible, not touching anything till I wash my hands.

Then there is the process of brushing my teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed, tossing dirty clothes into a hamper, and going straight to the laundry room for a wash.

There is a simplicity to life in a home that no longer exists in a car.

The routine is so simple, you barely have to be awake to do any of it. But now that I live in my car, the routine is anything but simple. It’s clunky. I’m fumbling through my bedding, my bags, backpacks, gear, bungees, and finally, I found the toothpaste. But, now where is my toothbrush?

Is it in my backpack in the front seat? The backpack in the backseat? The gym bag? My clear bag? My Target bag? Oh, I found it.

It only took me about 5 minutes of jumping between the front and back seats and searching every pocket to start brushing my teeth.

But before that, I had to go pee. But I’m in a parking lot. It’s the morning, and most stores are closed, and I don’t know if I can make it to a park, the gym, or maybe a gas station. How much longer can I hold it?

Sigh…

I have no routine for how to live this life yet.

I have no idea yet of how to manage all these “simple things” that I took for granted before.

So, I’m sitting in my car, waiting for the city park guy to finish replacing the trash bags so I can dump out my trash, and start my day walking.

Right before we moved out of our previous home, a rented room, I told my daughter we would move into an apartment and start a new chapter in our lives. A life where we no longer had to share a single small bedroom.

I told her she would get her very own closet, and I would no longer sleep on the floor beside her bed, so she could have an entire room to herself. She was happy we we’re moving out soon, and we both were excited to have our own place.

I applied for multiple apartments, each one charging $35–$75 per application. I was paying double to cover both my daughter’s application and mine. Each time, we were denied. Each time, I drained a little more of my savings. Each time, we were a little more disappointed.

On the last application, the guy told me we were denied and further added that the decision was based on an account I still owed money to. It was a previous apartment I lived in three years prior, where I was evicted. He said, “As long as you still owe them money, every apartment will likely deny you because you will be deemed unfit to pay.”

That broke both of our hearts.

For context, those apartments he spoke of, I owe them $35,000. After I had finished my 12-month lease on said apartment, I was then moved to a month-to-month plan.

During that time, I was laid off from work, and within two months, I was behind on everything and depleted of all my funds. I couldn’t find a job, as most employers were not hiring. I wanted to depart from the apartment and live in my truck, but I had my son, and I couldn’t bear to have him live on the street with me. So, I sacrificed my credit, squatting in the apartment for 6 more months, till I figured something out.

During that time, I did manage to get a seasonal job at Amazon, which helped me start paying some of the bills. Although I still couldn’t earn enough to keep up, meaning I was still in the negative each month. Then, after the winter season was over, so was my job assignment. They laid me off.

Eventually, I got evicted, my truck got repossessed, and I lost everything else.

Fast forward to today, three years later, after paying down some debt, I have raised my credit score back up, saved up some money, and now we are still getting denied.

It feels defeating, and it’s hard to keep going when life is a constant wall to climb, one that can take years to overcome. And this time, we didn’t have any time left. It was time to move out and move on.

Since we didn’t qualify for an apartment and my only option was to move into my car, my focus quickly shifted to figuring out something for my daughter. There was no way I was going to have her living on the street with me. So I told my daughter that, since she’s going to college, I’ll help her get a dorm room, and she can stay at her mom’s until the semester begins. Then, she can move into the dorm.

I, on the other hand, am going to move into my truck, work longer weeks, make more money, and pay off my debts so that one day I can finally have a home.

But as I said this, I knew there was a big part I was leaving out. I’m also doing this—living in my car—so that neither my daughter nor my son will have to endure this kind of life in the future. I want to work my ass off now and protect them from a life where wages rarely rise, yet the cost of living continues to climb.

On top of that, we live in a state with high taxes, high gas prices, and extremely high rent. I fear that they will also struggle financially with how the economy is going and how AI is rapidly taking over jobs.

Every year, with every new president and new technology, life has gotten more expensive. Every politician promises to make life easier and more affordable. But the truth lies in the numbers. Employment rates are always high, and always disguised to not reveal the actual numbers. The cost of food is up, gas prices are up, home prices are up, and cars are starting to cost as much as a home from the 90s.

It’s reported that lots of the new model trucks are reaching prices well over $100,000. These are not exotic trucks either. It’s absolutely crazy how much more expensive life is getting.

As I connect the dots between rising costs and watch breakdown videos showing CEOs making 100 to 1,000 times more than frontline employees, the disparity feels like it’s only getting worse. The average American now has to work two jobs, or households need multiple incomes, just to maintain a basic standard of living.

A basic way of life…

Not a luxurious or fun one. Just a life that can barely get by to pay for things we will likely never own.

If life is so much harder now, in comparison to 10 years ago, let alone 20+ years ago, what will my kids’ futures look like? How much harder will the life they have to navigate be?

I cannot bear to think about my kids struggling as I am. It’s hard enough now and I believe it will become harder later. So, I have chosen to pursue a life of living in my car now, so that I can help build them a future where they and their kids will not have to endure financial hardships.

There’s this thing about intergenerational poverty, where children usually inherit their parents problems. It describes the systemic phenomenon where children born to low-income parents are more likely to remain in poverty as adults due to inherited debt, limited resources, and systemic barriers.

The last thing I want is for my children to inherit any of the troubles that me, and my father have suffered.

I see the world getting harder and more expensive. I see how this can possibly become my children’s future. But, instead of opting for an expensive rental unit and living check-to-check, I’m going to live in my car till I pay off my debt, save some money, purchase a property, and build a self-sustaining home where my kids can fall back on if they ever need my help.

To end this post, I want to say I’m doing quite fine living in my car now. The first three days were the hardest to overcome emotionally.

Day 1: I missed living with my daughter, and the reality of living separately really affected me.

Day 2: I was confused about how to go about my days and felt lost.

Day 3: I accidentally wet my pants before work, and the situation almost made me lose my mind.

This life isn’t for everyone. But if you can push past the immediate struggles of living in a cramped car (or a more comfortable one, if you have a van/SUV), it can be a great way to save money, pay down debt, and eventually get a place of your own.

I don’t see this lifestyle as permanent. Instead, it’s a transitional point in my life—one that I believe will benefit both me and my children. Luckily, they’re young adults now and are doing just fine for the time being. Still, I want to build a strong safety net to protect them and help them prosper as they continue building their own lives.

For now, I need to get a handle on my daily routines—staying healthy, clean, fed, and keeping my spirits up. That last one is the most challenging, but I’ve been learning that the busier I stay, the easier it is to avoid the negative thoughts that try to ruin my mental health.

Next week, I’ll talk about how my routine is going, what I do with my time outside of work, and eventually, finances. I’m learning a lot of little things about how to keep costs down, eliminate expenses, and get the things I need to make this lifestyle easier.

See you next time.

Amado.